i just cant take it.

im realli sorie...
its not that i want to do it...
i have to do it...

u might not know who the people talking were...
but i simply cant take it...
they said too much..
too much that i cant handle...

and i realli cant believe u were capable of doing that,
its just too bad to be true...
but when it came out from the one who had the experience..
i cant do anything else but to despise you...

u left someone coz u met some1 better...
is that how u treat others who treat u good...
i just cant take it anymore...

its not just one...
its MORE THAN ONE.

yes... i did said i wana noe you by myself..
but i feared it will happen to me...
you know how bad my situation is...
i just couldnt take anymore hurtings...
dun wana add on more problems than it alredy is.
so i left before u ever unintentionally or intentionally hurt me.

it was hard for me to leave...
but it was harder for me to stay..
but i had to...

but if you tink im making a mistake,
then let me make that mistake,
so that i can realise from it.

haiz...

just leave me alone...
dun ask about how i am...
dun ask about who said about you...

about wad Mel said
i deserved better...
now...
i think that its better for me...
TO DESERVE NONE.
its better.
i dont get hurt, and i dun hurt others in that way...


i maybe the best of person you guys ever see...
but you guys must know, i can be the worst of people you ever seen...

and this applies to each and every aspects,
be it your my acquaintance, my fren, best friend, ex... watever....

some of you may know the bad side of me...
not meaning to threaten, but to warn, to prepare of whats to come...

maybe i deserve all this...
its me who chose this path rmmbr?
i chose to go away from my family,
i chose to go away from you,
i chose to be alone...

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!

dun pester me with ur crushes with me, ur say about others, or ur hurt about me...

i just need a time of my own for goodness sake...

out from dancing, out from leading, out from loving...
out from everything.

and for the other one...
go on with ur other crush...
just leave me alone...

Labels: i left before you even did more damage

hari raya/ weekend.

how lucky can i get?
Instructor Ryan and me!
he shaped me, nurtured me and the cause of me being THIS GOOD!


just got back from esplanade,
for the Oschool perf.
i tell You, its fun and was very tiring.
coz they taught us some choreo and i came unprepared for dancing!
haha, lucky i wore 2 shirt...

bought some stuffs along the way...
even though i din get to buy Mikal's sweat pants,
i managed to get 2 comfortable sweat pants somewhere, even comfy and cheaper...
haha... -cheapo-
---------------

yesterday's raya was quite a bore yet memorable one..
is that the way it should be put?
haha...
wen i get to Dad's house, had chit chat with relatives and uncles and aunties,
when its time for the forgiving and apologising part,
i told dear Dad that he should cut down on smoking and what nots...
and lastly i hugged him...
the feeling was unexplainable,
its like he knows i need it from him more from everything...
and i felt that hug was because he loved me so much and he missed me and sis dearly..

gosh! i din realise my hair was that long!


just pray that things will become better,
for my life and for my surroundings
and it already is starting to turn for the better,
just like wad Ida said..
my life and finally meeting my dream girl...

well i hope things stay this way or even better...

and to my mum's husband...
forgive you? Never...
u shld have done that long time ago...
y now then u realised?
wen the time when you hitting me with everything u can reach, you never think of saying sorie?
and now the side effects of everytime u hit me on the head, even when its bleeding u still continue?

i get a short term memory, very bad one,
even when i went to skool, i forgot to bring my bag?
when i stepped out of house, i was on boxers rather than pants?

yes you may think its silly,
but its that bad...

Labels: my first hug with dad....

hari raya/ weekend.

bz week.

Ash Groove doing the logo yall...


There's UT tommorow!
must wake up early Ash!
haha..

well,
just got back from Locking Lesson by Ian From Oschool.
the lesson was very enjoyable one yet challenging.
coz its my muscle memory...
im so used to hip hop and B-boying that i tend to put in my breaking elements when i do locking.
eventually i did my best and everyone was having the time of themselves.

ystrdy soon after dance, went out with the happy people, cycling towards Al-azhar to eat...
the Chopper bike i was riding adds on to my tired ness.. uphill, downhills and uphills agaen before reaching.

----------------------------------

the chopper bike i was riding


the happy people


i din get to see Her for the whole of today,
but wen i finally got the time to talk to Her,
smth happened.
i dun blame her for what happened.

coz wen sum1 is angry, they dun tend to realise wad they're saying.
and wad they're saying might hurt the innocent ones.
im just saying that u needa realise before it happens or before its too late.
Lucky for her she realised it early enuff...
i noe my position now.
no longer ur confidante.
no time to be around with her as much as she wants me to.

i realli a clueless about wad to do
tell me wad to do any1, pls?
this singlehood life has realli made me numb.


and friends!
im not Attached lar, stop asking me...
not yet in this context

Labels: a lil appreciation would at least cover it all up

wad i value most...

knocky knocky...
its goina be a looonngggg post here so bear with it yea ;)

fer the past 1 week, i've been practicing, dancing and practicing and dancing.
nothing else.
some reasons i do this?
- to past off the time,
- to avaoid getting too drenched in my own problems, in other words, get myself distracted.
- to do wad i like to do!

well,
there are some things which i like to share about my dance,
i've been achieving alot throughout the duration of this year
and i must say, the rest of us hip hop IG are the better ones than me,
coz before, they cant dance,
now?
they have improved alot and im Very Very proud of their achievements.

their company has been exhilirating throughout the whole of the time spent.
and the bonds are getting even closer now,
proof is that we share amongst each other, help wen others is in need.
nothing can compare them.

Groove Inc and Style Methodz are the love of my life yall!

--------------------------------------

read thru Joann's blog about values in life.
realli touching story,
the following are the 5 most valuable things to me currently in my life...

1st - Friends
2nd - A simple life
3rd - A good education
4th - A good job
5th - Respect

actualli Girlfriend was supposed to come in second but since i dun have any, not yet rather, its not included.
wana noe why families are not included?
its because i dun have a proper family.

but smth Myra said got stuck in my head
"it cud b a blessing in disguise.. so take it in stride k.. and look, ur lack of family l0ve, is replaced by you having so many great friends, and their families too.. so instead of one family. u get many families looking after you. isnt that a bless?"

wad she said was purely true,
and that i juz realised that.
i thank Myra so much... :)

and smth happened which made me realised something.
wen im worried, i tend to go the extend that no one ever think im capable of,
like searching for someone in the middle of the night.

i just wana let others know how i feel these few days apart from everything,
this has been going on for three years,
and it usually happens when its near Hari Raya.

wen i go to like geylang or smth,
i tend to get jealous of others,
not because of couples, but because of family.
im an unfortunate child having an unfortunate life.
seeing families together somehow mad me down,

wen was the last time i ate along with my family? years!
wen was the last time i was happy with my family? years!
wen was the last time i ever went out with them? years!
wen did i ever had a simple and lovable family life? NEVER!

and wen some said that they are goina have dinner with family, it somehow inflict a damage upon me. i never realli had that family bonding.
its like im an abandoned child.
i noe that there are families willing to share the family love for me,
but then i still dun realli feel the real thing
is just i need the real thing!! for goodness sake.

all go down with a family, seeing others happily with ther family just made me sad.
when am i ever going to end this problem of mine.

guess got nth else to say here.
i noe i dun rant everything in here.
feeling it should be reserved.
just keep it to myself.

thanks for taking the time off to read

Labels: after all these is through with, im sure i am definitely gona be a stronger and more independent person

things made me happy.

wwooooiii....

life schedule has ben hectic lately.
its always been school, dance, prayers and sleep.
most of the days spent on dancing...

finally, we(Hip Hop IG '07) had an official crew name.
and i think its the dopest thing ever.
Presenting, Groove.Inc....
hows that peeps...

we're left with 4 weeks of practice before the competition,
and believe me guys, we're goina do well,
regardless of who else is joining.
but still the idea of no smokin is still not imprinted in!
any ideas ppl????

hmmm...
hari raya is coming in matter of weeks or days counting.
but like the previous years, i dun have the feel of it.
mainly coz of the probs im having.
my puasa cant be accomplished coz of some reasons.

and i have to say,
what realli makes my day is seeing your smile each day.
i have something to look forward to every morning when i wake up.
its totally like wad i imagined.
-problems all seem to fade away wen ur near-
besides that,
dancing realli got me off my seat,
made me hyper, happy coz im doing wad i like best and wad i do best.

upcoming wednesday is Locking lessons by Joann's boifey,
so into it.

Hip Hop IG showcase on 26th Oct @ TRCC

and finally,
Hip Hop Weekend,
Butts Off dance competition
happening at far east plaza on 3rd(preliminaries) and 17th( Finals) November.
do drop by jyeap.