This post and my blog song is dedicated especially to the ones in the pictures below.


God bless Hajjah Ginah Bte Lipot, Ahmad bin Salleh, and Nuraisyah bte Redzwan.
i lost the ones i love, and no, Aisyah is still breathing yet,
its just a dedication to those i love.

this explains why i have been on the low, feeling rather sad and lonely.

but i have my productions to get my mind off things.
i dunnoe what im goina do after that so that i dun think much.

this year's ramadhan has really taught me to be strong.
to be someone who really can handle all these despite its big blows.
yet to shed a tear still coz i dun wana be passing my fasting day.
and it really is hard.
My friends im proud to say are helping me as much as they can.
i appreciate that.

the song in my blog, as you can hear,
reflects what im going thru.
another emo song, yes i know.

to my dearest style groovaz,
you guys are not just any 2nd family to me, you guys ARE my family.
thats why i try my very best to be down whenever i can for the crew, for my family.
but somehow, some people just treat this as just another time wasting hobby, sadly.

and to my fellow Style Groovaz Juniors,
do make me proud,
your dance reflects my dance so i'll do my part.
but please ensure that you do your part for without it,
my efforts are gone to waste.
yes i may be annoying and fierce and irritating as i may seem.
but its all for my love for you guys that im doing this,
to carry on the Style Methodz tradition which i pledged not long ago.
and all i am when i was with you guys, is me,
like the saying goes, "what you see is what you get"
yes, my mood reflects the correct timing and placing.
though yet and still some of you wont understand.
i know by now some of you have already have an image of me being an asshole.
i still accept that nonetheless.
but its all for the good.
if i mada mistakes, let the coming hari raya be and excuse for me to apologise to each and everyone of you.




----------------------------------------------------------------

Mariah Carey Ft Akon, Lil Wayne
Bye bye lyrics.

(Mariah Carey and Akon):
This is for my people's
Who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby
Your man, or your lady
Put your hands way up high
(Put 'em way up high)
We will never say bye
Never, no, no
(Never say goodbye)
Momma's, daddies, sistas
Friends and cousins
(Yeah)
This is for my people's
Who lost they grandmothers
(Yeeeeaaahh)
Lift ya hands to the sky
(Lift 'em way up high),
'Cause we will never say bye
(Never say goodbye)

(Akon):
I know, I know you're gone
I know i'll see you again
One thing that I can promise
That we gon' meet up again
Hopefully up in heaven
Prayin' that i'm forgiven
For everything that i've done
And everything
I forgot to mention
If feel so bad
To be without my homie
And every since
You've been absent
I've been so lonely
Why does our life cycle
Round like a trophy
Even though know somebody
Took the time to warn me
That you just keep me
'Til the end it's just crazy
And everyday i'm wishin' you
Could come save me
And I know a man
Ain't supposed to cry
It's taken all the strength
In my soul to say goodbye

(Mariah Carey/Chorus):
Bye, bye (22x)

(Mariah Carey):
And you never got the chance
To see how good i've done
And you never got to see me
Back at number one
I wish that you were here
To celebrate together
I wish that we could spend
The holidays together
I remember when you used
To tuck me in at night
With the teddy bear
You gave to me
That I held so tight
I thought you
Were so strong
That you can make it
Through whatever
It's so hard
To accept the fact
You're gone forever
I never knew
I could hurt like this
And everyday
Life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you
For awhile
I wish I could find a way
Try not to cry
As time goes by
And soon as you reach
A better place
Still
I'll give the whole world
To see your face
And I'm right here
Next to you
It feels
Like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do
Is say bye, bye

(Mariah Carey/Chorus):

(Lil' Wayne):
How come
They call it goodbye?
How come the good die?
See I just get high
And think of the good times
That I had with my pops
He was a good guy
How come the good die?
As i protect my mother
'Cause i'm her oldest son
And there
Are different worlds
And we in the coldest one
Which one did granny go to?
And why do death come?
As my baby ask
Where do babies come from
I tell her where
I tell her why
And I tell her I love her
Until I tell her bye
And whenever
I shall ever die
I hope you celebrate it
I hope you never hated
And they say heaven's gated
But I think I know the code
And let's get your life right
By the end of the road
That's why I drive alone
Down memory lane
So if I crash
I hope ya'll
Remember Wayne

(Mariah Carey/Chorus):
I never knew
I could hurt like this
And everyday
Life goes on like
I wish I could talk to you
For awhile
I wish I could find a way
Try not to cry
As time goes by
And soon as you reach
A better place
Still
I'll give the whole world
To see your face
And I'm right here
Next to you
It feels
Like you gone too soon
The hardest thing to do
Is say bye, bye


It's hard to say
Bye, bye, bye, bye
So come on
Somebody say it with me
Wave ya hands up high
'Cause this is for my people's
Who just lost somebody
See this is for everybody
Just lift ya hands to the sky
'Cause we will never say bye, bye

Labels: the reason why i dont look forward to Hari Raya this year...

Finally bloggy has a new look.
simple.
but fuck it. simplicity is the new sex!
many things going on right now.
both in reality and in my mind.
nobody cares anyway.

Labels: who doesnt long for someone to hold?

the fresh scent of the newly painted house of mine still lingers
awaiting its decoration, everything else would be complete.

thankfully, cousin husnie came over to help me out,
if not i'll be dying and straining my eyes due to the sleepless night before.

start time - 8.30 am
finish time- 3.30 pm!
early aye?

then had one hour rest before DblDee pestered me to join RSC's outing to HipHop hurray.

break-fast at foodloft marina square.
bumped into Aminah and her Gfs there and at HipHopHurray, celebrating her belated birthday.

throughout the night, i was struggling with myself.
struggling with my sleep.
struggling with the thoughts of my head.
struggling to restrain myself of doing smth stupid.

but yeah.
RSC was there to chill me out.
especially oneski and CA.



i kept struggling.
too much in my mind.
should take it one at a time.

wonders why people can switch off easily.

allow me to occupy my time with my productions and for my juniors.

later!

Labels: my mind's gone haywire. and no im not okay

Its been a week since school started.
yet i feel as lonely as ever.
no early morning greetings from Granddad.
no smile from him to just make my heart yearn more.

All the duration of the journey from home to school,
was spent listening to the mp3.
i feel like a loner.
but as much as i want company, i'd rather be left alone.

today's break-fast was spent with my Juniors along with Soffian my president
over at Banquet Causeway point.
indeed some company.

and yes,
some of you might know it already somehow.
i've cleared things with Aisyah.
i've experience the best life has to offer with her.
compared to the bad moments, they are still nothing if i were to remember the happy moments.
Indeed Aisyah made my life more happier.

i've been blinded and drowned by my own fear that i caused people surrounding me, including Aisyah, to suffer.
once again,i admit my mistake and i apologise for all those unwanted things i've done.

but there are more happier things in life that we both can look forward to.
so we both made the choice of goin our seperate ways.
all good or bad things have to come to an end eventually right.
im glad we both end it on the right note.

now i must be all focused and geared up for my fellow babies,
i want to train them hard and ensure that even though how bad or good you are,
i will try my very best to make all of them even.

because someone said to me which is stucked to my head till forever.
"you are only as good as your weakest crew member"

so guys,
better buck up before i buck you up.

----------------------------------------------

thank you Mrs Silly Sunshine

Labels: Im flying solo yet i feel so low...

WAIT....

what's going on right now?
you and me i mean.

maybe im just what they call,
syiok sendiri.

i understood that you called it off.
but didnt i change ur mind therafter?
oops... i guess with things now, it doesnt.

alright then,
allow me to get things straight.
coz its hella twisted now i must say.

i emphasized about my nothingness because,
i wanna show how sincere i was,
and that nothing else gets in my way of loving you,
and that nothing gets in your way of loving me.
not even my girl-friends, or friends, nor anything else.

believe me, (i doubt you do now)
but all ur statements about me doing those stuffs that i dun intend i do is wrong.

proof?
i get back to you each time and tried making it up to you.
does that explains all?

maybe i tried, but i guess i should try harder.

but hell no.
the doors are shut,
the path to happiness leads another way,
one narrow path,
leading to the darkness,
where only one man can fit thru,
only with my wits and self for my protection.

------------------------------------------------

its just that i've been trying to help you out.
i kept emphasizing not to run away coz it will come back to you,
in ways that you or others cant handle.
which is why i've been pestering you not to be negative.
but i guess you don't realise that you've not allowing me to help you.
like me not being able to get thru you.
changing the topic.

i understand that you're tired of all these shit.
i admit now that i've been adding to your misery.
which is why you closed the door for me and open for others.

-------------------------------------------------

and i feel that you're drowned in your miseries that you tend to forget about others.
you showed up under my block to help ease things off my mind.
was very appreciative and i gave u an easy time talking to me.

but what happened the next few days was shocking for me...
i dun understand why.

and that explains why i wonder whether you ever think of me one teeny weenie moment eversince.

-------------------------------------------------

and i guess Xuan was right.
im a negative person and all i ever was,
is someone who thinks very negatively.
and that i feel is affecting people around me.
making me assume things i shouldnt.

and Joann was right.
i only have nothing only when i think i have nothing.

all i ever was is one negative guy,
even though i thought it was to prepare me for the worst,
it shows how coward i am.

scared to be facing the future,
be it good or bad.

i realise everything now.

everything happens for a reason,
and for this very reason which is my own self.
all i need was a slap to the face and a knock to the brains.

sometimes, some things are meant to be kept to yourself.
but that doesnt prevents anyone from being truthful,
even though knowing things that you shouldnt may hurt.
accept the reality Ash.

-----------------------------------------

i've been hanging out with Rythmic Styles Crew,
them bboys i should say are like brothers to me.
i feel more closer to them because,
they can understand me better because most of them are living a ghetto life like mine.
one way or another.
and with them, i can be more of myself.

sharing life's experiences,
knowledges of hiphop.
the real meaning of Brothers,
and the real meaning of having one's back and being there when one's needed.

real recgonizes the real.

im not saying Style Groovaz are worst...
they are the best for me...
but as said, they cant always be there since they are also living their own life.
Fret not, im always on to my roots,
for without 'em my branches wont stretch out more.

--------------------------------------------------

Aisyah,
the miseries, the hurt, the hate i've caused.
i apologise.

i know most of it is on me,
but realise that some is on you too.
misunderstangs,
admit em too for there's no one else would ever dare to come up to you and say,
"hey you misunderstood me too?"
i got guts to say because i dun wana fear this and that.

still fault is on me as i stated all these shit.
its regrettable.
but im still me,
i dun regret my actions.

Labels: Aisyah., Forgive me

im goin out of my mind...
maybe im just paranoid...

where were you when i needed you the most.
each time this phone rings,
my heart skipped it beats hoping it was from you.
each and every time, its not.

a guy in despair,
thats what i am now.

honestly, i have nothing else to prove...

i dun have one proper family,
i dun even have a place call home.
each and every time i see people goin out with their families,
in the corner of my mind, how i wish i could have one single moment of that.

i dun own a car, nor a bike.
i dun have money...

i dun even have the looks...
girls would only have the first look when they pass me.

i dun dress fancily,
what's left in my wardrobe, is all that.
i dun own a nike, adidas or puma apparels.

im not even close to being a good bboy or a dancer...
people would just see me as a typical noob.
if u reader/s think im good, think again.

i dun own anything else except for something the size of my fist.

My Heart.

its all i own...

though there's not much love in that precious heart of mine.
still, i still dun mind sharing it with others.

and so, i cant give anything else but just love, care and concern.

im sorry i cant give in to everyones' needs.

---------------------------------------------

sometimes, i wonder
did you ever consider giving my little needs a little thought.

---------------------------------------------

i have choices...
some of the choices would make you hate me for doing so...
or even some where it'll completely destroy your life...

but i chose to act maturely.

its all about making the right choices for both you and me.

i stayed, believing that you're worthy of it.

on the morning of 22nd august,
you told me to live my life and carry on alone.

don't you still understand that my life is about you...

that very night i showed how bad you mean to me,
how bad i need you.

don't that prove you enough...
well i guess nothing is ever enough yeahh...

get this right...
im not tryna destroy ur image...
nor im tryna humiliate you...
well maybe i should.
its the only way i can get thru u yeah?

you were the one who brought this to yourself...
believe me.

i tried getting thru to you.
but to no avail.
how else but here?

im not a guy who thinks that "ouh i've done my part and that's that"
friends whom know me well enough will noe that i'll ensure the other party will do their part as well.

theres lots more...
i need not say anything else.

i just gotta talk this with you.
if you have got your reasons,
i wana hear it out.

coz everything happens for a reason.

-----------------------------------

and boy, showering her with gifts and words is indeed very sweet of you.

but believe me, the other party will come to you for the wrong reasons...

the other party might deny this but you wont know boy, you wont know.

im not saying im any better, im not even as good as you. not even close.

but i've tasted enough salt to know what's happening without even people telling, or even know what's goina happen.

get this clear, i aint having no tiff with ya.
i'll highlight again...

I've got nothing to prove..

--------------------------------------------

today when i wake up,
you didnt look the same as last night.
and it just dun feel right anymore.
and girl when you wake up,
i wont be there for you no more.

if one is making a mistake, let one do it so that one can realise it oneself.

i dun wana be saying "i told you so"...

--------------------------------------------

hate me for all you want,
i've nothing else to lose.

yes people, you are right, im nothing, and i dun have anything.

Labels: and possibly one day, comes the epiphany of ur deeds.