im sorry if my previous post had to trouble some readers.
for them to think hard on how to help me out.
trust me, im better off facing this alone.
thanks for the concern my beloved friends.

i would like to express my thanks to the rest of SGC for giving and all-out support,
RSC tho coming a lil late that they missed it but hey yall showed love and its GREAT.
and especially to my daily dosages of fun yet mysterious pack of joy, Ernieza Duckie.

even though we as representatives from RP and SGC, and the first to represent RP and SGC. im glad we made it through the finals, whatever the results will be later at the finals, i still will have joys etched on my torn face.

on the other note,
i never thought i would go star-gazing especially in a great company and at west coast park.
i really had my time well spent with my so call the "other half".
when i say "other half" it don't mean Girlfriends and boyfriends sort.
it means like twins.
we share almost the same thought and everything you could imagine.
one example;
on a few occasions we randomly tried to call each other a few times but to no avail.
know why? because she on the other end tried calling me too!
explains the fun yet mysterious pack of joy.

and for those who wants to print out the previous post's picture and put it up on ur door so YOU CAN THROW DARTS at my irritating face, Go Head Bitches. you can put the below pic as ur next collection also.

below would be the video of Style Groovaz at Funkamania 09.
featuring: Soffian akan Yan (black bandana), Jia Wei (towel at the back pocket), Colin (all blue cap), and Me (blue/white cap). girls would be Ain, Cherie, Shayen and Jervenne.




peace.

ps-be in my shoe and try imagining how i would feel about those words that you're about to say or being said.

Labels: im a dick, im addicted to you.

Its just not fair when,

Uncle asks you “granny told me you’re not helping her much, groceries, around the house and not taking care of your own dad”

The only source of income in the house doesn’t want to work and depends on you to always remind him to take his medicines.

Mommy is complaining about the house stuffs to you and expects you to come back home and sets everything right.

Mommy complains about sis not going home and not helping her out at home or helping by working.

Sis relies on you to always keeps her secrets, not tell anyone where she is, or even cover her ass for certain stuffs. Relies on you as a confidante and to confide in you and expects you to be there for them.

Your juniors wait for things to happen but not doing anything to make it happen. Ends up people saying you’re not doing my job properly to others and complaining about how unproductive you’re own juniors are. And all expects you to screw them or they themselves expect you to push them.

The crew’s state is all over the place, with people leaving, people coming but not doing anything, and the people left behind are stranded and lost.

A crew welcomes you in but with many things encountered at once, how could you prove that you’re worth the time and commitment to it. When the fact is you really want it but somehow, you just can’t show it due to all of the above. Not that that crew is expecting it from you but you really want to prove it to them that you’re worth it.

Your soul screams for its own self back because you are not yourself recently. As the events that is occurring is disturbing till you changed.

It’s not fair when you tried so hard to mend everything back but ends up just making it worse. Its so hard to please everyone.

It’s just not fair when you grew up not having a proper life, a proper family, a proper growing up period.

I mean, Who would ask for their parents to be divorced when you’re only 2?

And its really heartbreaking when,

you go out and you see a family at a restaurant eating dinner happily.

you just wished for a decent family with mom and dad and brothers and sisters.

Having to learn life thru the hard way and its been ongoing for 19 and half years and situation doesn’t show any signs of improvements.

you lost the people you depended upon, the people you love within a short time.

Having a mother whom you love ALOT but not being able to see her everyday.

Having a father whom you would really love to love but he himself is not in the right state of mind to think for himself.

Having to deal with death of loved ones within a short period of time.

Having lost a grandmother you wouldn’t trade for the world, and losing her right by ur watch.

Having lost ur grandfather whom you couldn’t see for the last time and a grandfather who would really know how to deal with these problems.

I miss having to grow up with a proper family. Having a proper dad and mom.

Whoever said its impossible to miss what you never had.

Its just not fair, they leave me alone to go thru this violent world alone.

for those who still cares, im deeply thankful for the care and concern yall have given me. but you know, i just want to have a normal happy life.

Labels: though its been months, yet a day doesnt go by without missing you.

whats your 2009 resolution?
mine was simple.
i just want a better year. thats all.
rather not ask much as im afraid of being disappointed.

i had a great start to 2009.
RhythmicStylezCrew decided to warm up my welcoming into the crew by having the welcome battle.
as expected, the battle was to happen there, and then.
which is moments after the stroke of the clock, at the very place i was, vivocity's rooftop.
it went on real good, real tiring, just really real.
went on for good 2 hours(i think) plus alongside Faque and OneROC.
surprisingly after that tiring long battle, i still yearned for more. tho i was shivering at that time.
but all in all, i had a wonderful welcoming and shoutouts to RSC for being with me while i was down and pouring at one point of time.
i cant help reminiscing my 2008.
big shoutout to Oneski for encouraging me further
"i have ur back bro, and you have my back too, so who has who's front?"
tho i don't really understand it, i knew it meant well...
big ups for brother Camou Artist without whom, im not who i am right now.
and to the rest of the RSC family, thank you for letting me be a part of the fam.

other than that i spent my weekend at home to make up for the week i wasn't really at home most of the time.

and to make my 2009 a lot more happier, i came to class as early as 8.15. when class starts at 8.30. which for me, is very early:) tho i slept at 4.

i started realising one thing about myself recently.
i've changed to become a more quiet person, i dun really know why.
last time, i was very bubbly, very chirpy, would try to disturb anyone whenever i can, laughing out loud and will always try to participate in anything that can be participated (even joining conversations).

but eversince the last Hari Raya i realised,
that usually for hari raya, i will go and sit in the living room to chat especially with late grandma or even finish the Kuih Tart on the jar. but on the last, all i did was to come to my aunt's place, sleep wake up to salam2 then went back home.
as soon as i reached my other grandma's place, i went to sleep again cos i dun feel like facing anyone.

last week when i went out with my Bukit Panjang homies, we chilled everywhere and when we sit, we will usually chat and talk and stuffs. what i did was to sit at another corner, listening to mp3 and just never get involved in the conversation.
till to the point where one of my friends ask "dude, what happened to you? why you like so quiet?" i didnt understood what he said but only recently i did.

only yesterday at my house, one of my uncle's ex-wife came over, she was the one who looked after me when i was young and i'll always play around with her childrens, my cousins.
when she came i sat and one side of the living room and plainly watch the tv when she asked a few questions, all i answered was a one or two word answer.
can anyone explain this trauma...

ernie's say its about my hormones, maybe it is, maybe not. but i think it has something to do with what had happened recently.

ouh well...

the line has already been drawn
the line has already being made clear long time ago
please understand why its there...

Labels: don't add on more to the complication., please